I am saddened today that my step son was trying really hard to pick out a Mother's Day card and in a sad realization he proclaimed," I have a Mother who doesn't love me".

How can you explain to this child that his mother can't love? It's so hard for us adults to understand. N is going to be 16, but because of the two years where his mother was his primary care provider, he did not develop, he slipped into drugs and isolation. He's a diabetic and he did not grow or gain weight for 2 YEARS! He is a bit behind in his emotional development too.

His mother lives her life as if it is an epic movie and she is the star. She is charming, but if you have no benefit to her and she can't control you, she has no use for you and has the natural ability to completely distroy you. She's done it to all of us.

She is a one woman wrecking ball in people's lives.

I was going to buy him the book, "The Sociopath Next Door" but don't know if it is too heavy for his age.

SocioMom aka The Shape Shifter, Shifter for short, has turned the 13 year old daughter completely against her father. She was Daddy's little girl and wrote him poems about how he always read to her, tucked her in and took care of her when she was sick. When she was with us 50% of the time, she cuddled with Dad while watching TV, was glued to me and called herself MimiMe and was a delightful child of 10, 11, 12.

I was cleaning her room one day and found the poems she wrote about her mom:They were all about shopping! "The best days I have with my mom we go shopping and buy and buy and buy! We have so many shopping bags we can hardly carry them". This was at 11years old. Other topics were going to lunch and getting their nails done.

So, after Mr. Bebe loses his job, suffers a dibilitating heart attack and has to go on disability, she says to his face, "you don't even have a job and you expect other people to take care of you". A dagger to his heart. Does an 11 year really know that or did her mom put that idea in her head because the court told her to pay spousal support?

His little girl completely abandoned him after the court said N had to be taken from mom and live with dad. Little K is still 50/50 custody but she will not see her dad.

Her brother had trouble and she hated him for it. He got caught with pot. He got expelled from school.

He has since been in a clean and sober school doing very well. He is ready to go back to district school, so he's trying so hard to make his life better. But his sister hates him...she is VERY judgmental for such a young girl.

Her mother has fed her materialistic nature, buying her everything she wants, trips to Disneyland - all on Dad's money as she is raking him over the coals in a divorce that has been going on for over 3 years - they got a Bifurcated divorce so she remarried, but they aren't one step closer to a settlement than they were 3 years ago because she will NOT cooperate. Little K is never told NO and she is the head biotch in charge at mom's house. At our house, we expected manners and a nice helpful attitude. That started to not go over so well as her ego go out of control and her demands for trips to the Movies every Friday and shopping were turned down.

Little K has repeatedly refused invitations to Thanksgiving, Christmas, her dad's birthday. In fact, when I invited her to her Dad's birthday dinner via text in January her return text was only this: Don't talk to me. But for her birthday last month, N and Dad got her flowers and a gift because they wanted to do the right thing. They want her to know they love her. They decided to leave it on the front porch, since she has refused every invitation so they didn't want to give her that opportunity again.

They left the flowers, gift and cards on the front porch and then texted her that the gift was there and Happy Birthday.

They heard not a word. No thanks, no nothing. More daggers.

So, as Mother's Day approached, we tried to tell N that doing the right thing is still very important for his own mental well being. We had him convinced that he could bring himself to get a card for the mother that controlled and abused him. It was not an easy sell and I'm beginning to wonder if it is even a good idea. My thought was that it might be a good example for little K and show her how she should be acting.

Then, two days ago, the step dad that N hates, (you know the type: easily expoited by the sociopath and fights tooth and nail for her and thinks she can do no wrong) texted him telling him his mother was crying and having a breakdown because she is afraid that N will ignore her again this Mother's Day. (last year he was being removed from her home and he couldn't face her).

Well, he went into meltdown with that obvious attempt at the pity manipulation. He cannot be controlled or manipulated by her and never could. That is why she is so hard on him and really treats him so badly.

Then she texts him and wants him to go to dinner with them on Mother's Day and then she has her mother, the grandma text him: Don't forget about Mother's Day followed by: What do you want for your birthday??? (these people believe that love means giving really expensive gifts).
In other words, do something for you mother or I won't buy you that expensive birthday present this year. Gross.

Dad tried to explain to N that a card - doesn't have to be lovey dovey - would at least show little sister how she should behave next month right? He needs to start being a good example.
He agreed and he and his Dad got a card.

Here is what I'm afraid of: This might only support the sociopathic mind that she is the good one and dad is the bad one. Little K is now a sociopath in training at this point and they may see this as her mom is just better and more deserving than dad.

Dealing with a sociopath is nearly impossible and completely confusing. Do you have to just cut them out of your life?

Am I helping to perpetuate an endless cycle of devastation? Should N completely keep his biomom out of his life? Will his behavior even have an effect on Little K or will The Shifter just twist her brain some more and convince her that this proves she is better than Dad?

Someone out there knows the answer.